Review: Upscaled by Joseph John Lee

Blurb:

From the author of the emotionally devastating epic fantasy series The Spellbinders and the Gunslingers comes...well, the complete opposite of that.

______________________

It begins and ends, as things do, with a girl throwing a birthday party for a dragon. Or it would, if things were ever that simple.

Generations ago, the Inquisition of the Priory of the Thrice-Dead Prophet decided that dragons were a great evil and it was their duty to banish them from the land of Nóra. The dragons weren't (they just grew tired of the bother and migrated north), and the Inquisition didn't (they just pretended otherwise), but that's beside the point.

Though evidence of dragons still existed, it remained within the realm of smugglers, ne'er-do-wells, and people with too much time and money on their hands...until a hatching egg finds its way into the hands of a young girl named Ailís.

Now, with the first newborn dragon seen in generations in her company, Ailís finds herself beset by merchants, brigands, Inquisitors, and a greedy governor, and all she wants to do is throw a birthday party for her dragon.

And you thought planning a party foryourkids was tough.

Review:

What a perfect time for a nice, short, cozy read. The weeks have been cold (cold is good, I will die on this hill), the days are short, and the warmth of the fireplace (for me, just an air conditioner) all make this the perfect book to read. Honest, I tore through this book, maybe three days max to finish it, and I was eager for more. Unfortunately, bar a few teasers on social media, Joe hasn’t given us the next one. Shame on him. But he’s forgiven for giving us a good read to begin with.

Here, we start with Ailis and Camarain, siblings in a small village in Nora, a cozy kingdom wracked by the Inquisition of the Priory of the Thrice-Dead Prophet. Sounds bad, right? Wrong. The Inquisition does nothing. They fearmonger people by saying dragon = bad. Dragon, does not = bad. Dragon = cute. How do I know this? Because Ailis and Camarain overturn a merchant’s cart in town (instead of getting groceries) and steal a single :) dragon egg. The dragon is brought into the world, named Pilib, and despite protests from their mother, they bake the dragon a pie. Why? Because, they needed to throw the dragon a birthday party. It was a terrible pie (if you were human, but the dragon had no protests), but that wasn’t the bigger problem.

The merchant bearing the dragon egg was a smuggler legitimate trader of dragon paraphernalia, which is illegal. The lord of the town was the buyer. Also illegal. And through the incompetence of the Inquisition (seriously, they suck at their job) they don’t know who to apprehend. They settle on the smuggler legitimate trader, despite his protests that not having the egg makes him not a criminal. Guess what, that defense pretty much works, and then Ailis is found out, and she and her family and the new dragon have to skip town.

There, they meet a few people that are more than meets the eye, all while avoiding the Inquisition and the smuggler legitimate trader who are out to get them. How does the story end? READ THE BOOK. I won’t spoil the ending, but it’s very cute, although a little sad, and wraps up this first book in a planned series rather nicely, while leaving some space open for what comes next. But the question remains, does the dragon get its birthday party? See the earlier words in all caps earlier in this paragraph for more info.

Ok, not-so-spoilery and not-so-great recap aside, what do I actually think of the book? It was a grand old time, full of the COOLEST real world callouts. The only negative? I probably missed more than half of them. Featuring references to the Spanish Inquisition, Monty Python, and many more, my favorite had to be what I refer to as “getting Team Rocket’ed.” Was this an actual callout to Pokemon? Maybe not. But I’m willing to assume it is. Because who doesn’t like people being thrown into the air beyond the horizon? Especially when it keeps happening.

Moving past the wonderful callouts, the world felt so lived in and genuine, not to mention the dialogue and emotions being evoked were so real. I could smell the pies, feel the eye rolls, and taste the sweet revenge of kicking someone high into the air (okay, maybe I can’t move past the callouts, that’s how good they are). My personal favorite character was Liam, the smuggler legitimate trader. He’s subject to idiots at every turn, most of them the inquisition, some of them Lord Saibhir, who we learn is illiterate. My favorite joke comes from Liam, who wonders if correcting Lord Saibhir’s spelling of “arest” by pronouncing it funny was actually going to get the point across (because how would Lord Saibhir know how to spell it to begin with) and if they could backtrack hours to go find the man and explain it.

I realize that explaining jokes and “being funny” in a review is, inherently, not very funny. It’s like explaining a joke you saw on the internet to someone who’s never seen it. Now you’re an idiot. Don’t be an idiot. Read Upscaled.

But in all seriousness, Upscaled by Joseph Lee was a fun romp from cover to cover, great for a bit of escapism, great for a laugh, and even greater if you want to compare your knowledge of cool references to the author. I think I lost, but hey, that’s life, and maybe I’ll beat Joe’s obscure references in book two when it comes out.